Pssst….hey…you got the paper?
Yeah….I got the paper…..you got the sticky tape?
Yeah…..I got the sticky tape
Alright, shall we do it?
Yeah, Let’s wrap this bitch

Standing, in the super market aisle, looking at the pile
Of rolled up tubes, on my best behaviour
Trying to choose my wrapping paper

It’s gotta have a Christmas theme,
not too obscene, just red or green
But when you find the best one in the shop
Fuck me, this shit’s ten bucks a pop

Christmas is almost here
You’ve been putting it off all year
Now you’re filling your pants with crap
Cos you know that it’s time to wrap
CHRISTMAS WRAP

Had to take a business loan
Before I could get my paper home
Rolled it out in front of the heater
One tube only gets you a meter

Doesn’t help when you cut it wrong
And the bits you’ve made, they aren’t that long
But how am I s’posed to do my wrap?
With hardly any of this crap?

Christmas is almost here
You’ve been putting it off all year
Now you’re filling your pants with crap
Cos you know that it’s time to wrap
CHRISTMAS WRAP

Then there’s the choice of style
No matter what, it’s gonna take a while / this task will take you quite a while
Fold or scrunch or tape or glue
It doesn’t matter what you do

One hand tapes, the other holds the end
But it rips so you do the whole thing again
And just when you think it’s done and gone
Oh shit, you’ve left the price tag on!

Christmas is almost here
You’ve been putting it off all year
Now you’re filling your pants with crap
Cos you know that it’s time to wrap
CHRISTMAS WRAP

You unwrap the whole damn thing
Just to find the price tag is missing
So you have to wrap it up once more
But it won’t go on like it did before

Suddenly your brain goes ping
Your eyes roll back, your mouth foaming
You’re ripping paper with your teeth
And shrieking out in fits of grief

Then everything goes black
You wake up in a padded shack
The doctors say you had a mental snap
Just another casualty of Christmas wrap

Christmas is almost here
You’ve been putting it off all year
Now you’re filling your pants with crap
Cos you know that it’s time to wrap