Dear senior management, to whom it may concern
Before the close of trade today, there’s things that you may learn
So I thought I’d get in quick, with a letter that just might
Explain away the debauchery, that happened here last night
(Sigh)
Thankyou for the office Christmas party
Now I’m resigning, before you fire me
Thankyou for the chrissy do, it was such fun
Now it’s time for me to go, before the next one
The party started out so well, it was going swell
Until some people started, photocopying their arses
Pinning them on others’ butts, so it looked like they were mooning us
It was a funny piss-take, till Tom stuck his knob in the paper intake
Thankyou for the office Christmas party
Now I’m resigning, before you fire me
Thankyou for the chrissy do, it was such fun
Now it’s time for me to go, before the next one
When you come in today, there’s gonna be a mess
We tried to clean it up but we were fuck-faced –hey we did our best
To clean up all the spew, but there could be one or two
Places that were hard to find
The toaster and the fish tank come to mind
Spoken: Oh, and I wouldn’t drink the coffee in the kitchen, I’m pretty sure Gareth peed in it!
Thankyou for the office Christmas party
Now I’m resigning, before you fire me
Thankyou for the chrissy do, it was such fun
Now it’s time for me to go, before the next one
Warning, there will be a few, texts and emails, voicemail too
You’d be best to just ignore, cos most just say your wife’s a whore
And I may have left a smelly present in your hat
And for the flaming bag of dogshit on your desk
Spoken: I don’t know anything about that…
Thankyou for the office Christmas party
Now I’m resigning, before you fire me
Thankyou for the chrissy do, it was such fun
Now it’s time for me to go, before the next one
I think I might have slept with Deirdre from accounting
But it was dark, at least I think that she’s the one that I was mounting
And I now she’s got that mole, and she’s older than my mum
But I think she slipped a finger of rohypnol up my bum
Thankyou for the office Christmas party
Now I’m resigning, before you fire me
Thankyou for the chrissy do, it was such fun
Now it’s time for me to go, before the next one
In truth I think there are some positives you see
You’re always wanting us to bond and now we’re closer than we’d like to be
Now that we’ve seen Stephen’s secret third nipple
Judy’s fight with crabs and Nigel’s roaming undescended testicle
Spoken: I mean, as a team, we’re stronger…
(Sigh)
Thankyou for the office Christmas party
Now I’m resigning, before you fire me
Thankyou for the chrissy do, it was such fun
Now it’s time for me to go, before the next one
Sincerely, employee of the month, Lachlan MacLeod
P.S. If someone could please unlock the janitor’s closet & bring me some underpants, I’d like to go home now…
